A Very Broken Footed Christmas to come

Well, the past few days have been a mixture of eventful and totally eventless. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? And we've not even had Christmas Day yet! Christmas with a broken foot is going to be as exciting as watching paint dry.

A broken foot and sickness bug. Just what the doctor ordered!

Well, that's it. I now know that if the big guy upstairs is looking over me, he is trying to test my strength, will power and endurance. Why? Nick has got the winter sickness bug.

It began to look a lot like Christmas.

My house really takes a hammering at Christmas. I just can't help it. There is nothing I love more than decorating the house up for Christmas. I try to be tasteful, I don't do tinsel but every year I seem to accumulate more and more decorations and insist that they all go up. Having a broken foot, this year, was not going to change any of that.....

Let's get physical.

Whilst I can still do bits of cooking, unless I have some help, my cooking and the state of the kitchen would be enough to render Gordon Ramsey speechless. Every time I even attempt to get into the fridge, I am dicing with death. Precariously, the fridge perches on a ledge which, if my wheelchair gets next to it, there is about 3mm of space at the side before my wheelchair will fall. Therefore, I have to resort to standing on my good foot and hang over the fridge door to stop myself falling over. Dangerous and definitely not attractive.

Stay in doors. It is safer!

If I were you, if you hear of me leaving the house, you are best to stay in doors. The streets are not safe with me and my killer crutches about! Yesterday, I left the house again. but this time I was on my own!

Part 16: Wheelchair Scowlers

Ever scowled at someone in a wheelchair? Ever thought that they were just in the way? No? Well, you are amongst many pleasant people. However,there are some nasty ones lurking out there in the darkness!

Part 15: My own Care in the Community

I actually left the house the other day, thanks to my own version of Care in the Community. I am lucky enough to have friends who care. On Sunday, my two oldest friends, Judy and Nadia, came round to take me to the cinema. I think of myself as being extremely lucky that I have such good friends that tolerate me in the first place, never mind this. It really did feel a bit like my own private care in the community! They did everything whilst I just sat and watched!

Part 14: Stupid is as stupid does

If stupid is as stupid does, that definitely makes me forest gump (will be even more so when I get a massive shoe for my massive foot, but that won't be for a while yet!)

Part 13: Wendy's wheels!

Legs are a thing of the past. Who needs them when you have wheels!

Part 12: Everyone needs a broken foot, purely for the benefits!

Did you know how many benefits there are from having a broken foot? Benefits, I hear you ask? Surely not. Well, here is another attempt at looking at the brighter side of misery!

Part 11: Mobility Scooter Rage

I am a great believer in karma. Now I know that karma is paying me back. Why? Because I am envious of mobility scooters!

Part 10: Bottom wipers- I don't think so!

Being in my slightly immobile state, I have happened to stumble (bad choice of word) across something amazing. I've discovered a new world. The world of mobility accessories.

Part 9: Contraceptives for elephants.

Ever wondered what a contraceptive for an elephant looks like? No? You obviously don't have as much time on your hands as I do. Anyway, now I know and you should too. (if that 'hook' doesn't get readers interested, then I don't know what will!)

Part 8: Turning from a majestic gazelle to an elephant seal.

Isn't it amazing how just 1 day, can change exactly how the next day pans out. Yesterday I was a majestic gazelle. Today I am an elephant seal!

Part 7: Help from the 'Hand of God'

This week, I know how Diego Maradonna felt when he said that goal was scored with the the help of the hand of god. Why? Because I have been blessed by that hand. The only difference is that mine is in the form of a metal litter picker.

Part 6: Hopping through the hospital

My dad always says he doesn't like hospitals. I always replied with the response, "Who does." Well then, Dad. You are sincerely forgiven. I take all back. Its official. I now HATE hospitals. However, I do think there are some  strange people who actually enjoy being there. (or they are just faking those smiles!)

Part 5: Can life get any better than this?

The day that I sought internet guidance was a glorious one. I did actually find a few useful tips out however I also found some things out by myself.

Part 4: Terrible trousers

My first full day of 'recovering' was upon me. As I lay in bed, I could see that very long road stretching out in front of me that was riddled with steps, awkward toilets and sunken sofas as far as the eye could see. This could not go on. I would not be defeated, even if I did feel like a beaten pinata. No! My stupid foot would not get the better of me!

Part 3: Toilet trouble!

Who said that cleanliness was next to godliness? If that is so, then I am burning in the pits of hell. I always try to keep my house clean and tidy. Admittedly, towards the end of a half term, my house tends to look like sale day at Primark - clothes all over the place and washing in a pile that's towering structure resembles Big Ben. However, I always thought that my house was fairly clean.....until now.

Part 2: Arriving home with the foot of doom!

The other week, I was watching Stephen Fry present a show about swearing.One of the guests was Brian Blessed, who was proving that swearing when you hurt yourself helps to ease pain. Well, my friends,I gave old Brian a run for his money in the car on the way back from minor injuries. Did it ease the pain or frustration....What do you think? ? Course not. My leg was potted up to just below my knee. I felt like an utter plonker and no amount of foal language would save me now.

Part 1: How did it come to this?

How did it come to this? I am sat, in my living room, on a camping toilet which is basically a bucket with a toilet seat on! Any dignity that I had is lost as Nick walks in to ask if I need any help getting up! How did I get here? Well, here goes.