Who said that cleanliness was next to godliness? If that is so, then I am burning in the pits of hell. I always try to keep my house clean and tidy. Admittedly, towards the end of a half term, my house tends to look like sale day at Primark - clothes all over the place and washing in a pile that's towering structure resembles Big Ben. However, I always thought that my house was fairly clean.....until now.
After squirming about on the bathroom floor like some sort of deranged slug, I finally managed to hoist myself up onto the toilet (with the help of Nick, a footstool and a kitchen chair.) As I sat there, pondering my life and doing a strange sort of 'rowing a boat' action to get every last drop out, I noticed my trousers. They were covered in a mixture of dust, fluff and hair. At that single moment, I was positively disgusted with myself. I had been back at work less than a week and this was the state of the bathroom floor. Yuk. There was no excuse. Needless to say, this became another little thing to go on the list of things to ask poor Nick to do!
Sliding down the steps on my bum was slightly more fun that getting up them. By the time that this is over, I will either have a very smooth bum or one that resembles corrugated iron.
It is a good job that I like plans and organisation because when bedtime came, I really had to think things through about how I was going to get ready for bed with as little walking as possible. Finally I achieve my goal and got into bed.
Thinking of the advice I had been given, I moved cushions to the bottom of the bed to keep my leg elevated. What was it they said? 'Keep it elevated above the heart.' What? Who comes up with this ridiculous advice? If I was able to elevate my leg above my heart then I would be dancing Swan Lake with the Royal Ballet Company. Slightly above my hip will have to do. Above the heart? It's not happening.
Shattered from the whole day, I slept like a baby up until about five in the morning when the call of nature came again. We all know that when you get that calling first thing, there is no room for messing and it has to be done pretty sharpish. Realising that I was facing a difficult challenge, I thought it might be easier to crawl to the bathroom. The challenges that I faced on this perilous journey were really pushing me to the limit. I had to try to get on the floor without damaging my foot, crawl around the bed, go down a step and up two steps, hoist myself up onto the toilet, do the job and get back to bed. This had to be done all in the dark, without waking Nick and getting tangled in the rug and throw that were on the floor. I think that after this I may have to enter 'Total Wipeout'. It will be a doddle compared to this.
Next time that you go to the toilet, try wiping whilst only having your right foot touching the floor. It's not as easy as you think. I leave you with that thought.
What is the betting that the next time you go, you think of me?:)
No comments:
Post a Comment