If I were you, if you hear of me leaving the house, you are best to stay in doors. The streets are not safe with me and my killer crutches about! Yesterday, I left the house again. but this time I was on my own!
Venturing out of the house without a chaperone was a scary event. I was faking at confidence when my mum and Nick were worrying about me. One of my oldest friends, Judy, runs her own hair salon therefore, I booked a hair appointment to perk myself up, thinking that I could manage on my own. My hair was beginning to look like a Vileda Supermop that had just wiped up spaghetti bolognese off the floor. It had not being dyed for so long that it was mixture of red, brown, grey and white. I know that hair appointments do not seem too important in the grand scheme of things but when my face is often the only one that I see during the day, the hair needs to look good otherwise I may just smash every mirror in the house. That would only result in the me answering the door with toothpaste smeared across my face and generally looking like something from Dawn of the Dead.'
Anyway, looking like a child who was going on holiday, I sat with my coat on ready for about 15 minutes before the taxi arrived. It was then that I encountered the first problem. Managing to crutch my way outside, I then had to try to lock the house without dropping my crutches, falling over or get blown over by what felt like force 10 gales outside my door. At one point, I looked like a golden retriever with my house keys dangling out of my mouth because I needed my hands for the crutches and the door. I reached the taxi, Mr Taxi Driver appeared to be glued to the seat and a mute. I think if he did not talk to me then that was his excuse for not getting out and opening the door.
On arriving at the hairdressers, I was greeted like a queen. Judy came out to help me up the 2 steps whilst one of the girls opened the door for me. This was great and was so easy. Well, until I took the first step in the salon. The rain had made my crutches wet so as soon as I put them down they went sliding in front of me. Looking like a disheveled Bambi on ice, I seemed to lose any co-ordination that I had. The only thing that stopped me flying face first was Judy who had grabbed my coat from behind and was managing to hold me up by it!
Having my hair done felt like the most exciting thing that I had ever done. It was great to be out of the house without a chaperone and I really felt like I was being pampered. A few hours later, hair was done and the same taxi arrived to take me home. Once again, Judy's quick thinking saved me as I went over on my good ankle getting in the car. Mr Taxi Driver still seemed to have lost the ability to talk but I was so happy that I just began to talk incessantly at him, hoping for a response. It was still blowing a gale outside and the rain was pouring. We arrived near my house and the street was full of parked cars leaving nowhere near for the taxi to park. My front door goes straight out onto the pavement so I told him to park at the end and I would be able to crutch my way down. Then the strangest thing happened. Instead of parking, he reversed up the street behind the row of parked cars. Then he mounted the curb and drove the taxi straight down the pavement in between the houses and the parked cars! He stopped right outside my door, no exaggeration. I put one foot down then I was in my house. He then had to reverse back up because the lamp post was stopping him from driving any further down the pavement. All this, without saying a word to me!
Hopping into the house, I realised a few things. First, I really do need a chaperone when I go out. It is not safe for me or other people. It was a mistake to think that I could go out on my own. Second, this had absolutely exhausted me. Anytime out of the house makes me feel like I have run a marathon. I needed a rest. Finally, I had put my life in the hands of a mute maniac. The pavements were no longer safe for anyone.
But hey-ho, at least I had good hair!
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