Part 4: Terrible trousers

My first full day of 'recovering' was upon me. As I lay in bed, I could see that very long road stretching out in front of me that was riddled with steps, awkward toilets and sunken sofas as far as the eye could see. This could not go on. I would not be defeated, even if I did feel like a beaten pinata. No! My stupid foot would not get the better of me!

After nearly killing myself trying to 'crutch it' to the toilet, carefully I got back to bed and started looking on the internet for help. Very helpful. After looking at causes and symptoms of a broken foot (like I need that one), I discovered the 4th website down that directed me to this very useful bible reference from Leviticus: Then the LORD said to Moses, Give the following instructions to Aaron: In all future generations, none of your descendants who has any defect will qualify to offer food to his God. No one who has a defect qualifies, whether he is blind, lame, disfigured, deformed, or has a broken foot or arm, or is hunchbacked or dwarfed, or has a defective eye, or skin sores or scabs, or damaged testicles. Well......... what do you say to that one? As someone who has been teaching Sex and Relationships Education, I was quite shocked to find that final word in the bible. Something to remind the children about......
My first step was to try to get dressed. Trousers. What possessed me to put on a pair of long trousers? Oh yes, I know. The elasticated waist sounded appealing as I knew that on the trips to the toilet, speed is of the essence and after an 8 minute journey up Mount Vesuvius, zips and buttons would not be my friend. Well, I sat on the bed and threw my trousers to the floor to kind of put my bad leg inside. What a joke. Do you remember those cartoons where someone was searching for water underground using a y-shaped stick? Well, that was my leg. It seemed to develop a mind of it's own and would NOT go where it was supposed to. Under the trousers, in the wrong leg, on top of the trousers - anywhere but in the right place. Stupidly, I thought there must be a easier way so tried with the other leg. That seemed to work for that leg but then I had the problem of trying to get my bad leg in without me falling head first into the wardrobe door. As it happens, I have not found an easier way to do this so the trauma of the trousers will carry on until I decide it is not worth it and just not bother! 
Heaven help anyone who decides to come round on that day.